His bright idea was to say that the reason he was leaving was because he doesn't love Mummy anymore. I just looked at him with incredulity and walked out of the door and grabbed my laptop and pulled up every article that said you never tell you child that you have fallen out of love with your spouse because your child may worry that you will fall out of love with them. I already knew this because I'm a human being with emotions and the ability to empathise. However, as usual he didn't think what I said could possible have any merit so I had to show him what some stranger had said on the internet as my opinion has no validity whatsoever. I just rolled my eyes so hard I saw my brain.
We decided to tell him two weeks before my husband was due to leave so he had time to talk to both of us about his feelings before he left. We settled on Saturday morning (after he'd been to the gym obvs, cant let a little thing like your child's welfare come between you and body attack).
Now, all the sites tell you to show a united front in front of your child and that would be fine if your emotions weren't a dangling raw mess. I told my husband he had to lead the conversation and I would be there to support our boy.
We sat him down and he told him that we were splitting up. He burst into tears, I've never seen him cry like that before. My mum instincts took over and I grabbed him up and pulled him into me and just let him cry whilst holding as close as I could. I could feel my heart breaking in my chest. I look over my shoulder and silently mouthed to my husband 'I hate you so much right now'.
Then came the second blow when he asked about the Christmas holiday and we had to tell him we weren't going and the tears flowed once again. I was broken, I didn't know what to do or what to say to make hime feel better but I needn't worry because my husband flew to the rescue by offering to by him a Nintendo Switch. I could have punched him, but that's his solution to everything throw money at it.
As any 6 year old would he instantly brightened up at this promise and they trotted off to go and buy his 'guilt be gone' gift.
I can tell you now kids, this is not the way to handle this. All it did was stop the real conversation that needed to happen. My husband managed to get out everything he wanted to say, like - I'm leaving and you need to get a new house too. But he had no time to give our son the time and space to process and talk about the bomb we had just dropped on him.
I felt like the whole thing was more for my benefit, to yet again give me the message that he was leaving me and that was that. (Apparently he was being so horrible to me so that I didn't get the wrong idea; I told him in no uncertain terms that I wouldn't have him back. Ever).
In the days that followed my mental health to a huge nose dive; I was a weeping mess on the kitchen floor. I felt like I had let my boy down. All I ever wanted was to be a proper family for him but I had failed. I was facing two more weeks of living under the same roof as my husband, and it was like torture. Everytime I saw him I just felt so angry, I desperately wanted to lash out and hurt him but I knew that he didn't care. I hated the person I was around him, I felt so bitter that he was moving on and leaving me to deal with a child that was struggling to process what was happening. My husband was hardly around for the next two weeks whch made me even madder as he only had a short amount to time to spend with his son but his new girlfriend was apparently a more exciting prospect.
I felt suffocated by everything I wanted to run away and even considered going on holiday to get away from it all but I knew that wouldn't be fair on my son as I had no childcare in place. But the urge to run wasn't going away and then my Dad offered for me and my son to go and stay with him the weekend that my husband moved out. I jumped at the chance. I knew it would be good for me to get away and good for my boy not to see his Dad move out of his home.
It was the best decision. I finally felt like I had the space I had been craving. I ate, I drank, I talked and I slept. I was ready for whatever came next.
We decided to tell him two weeks before my husband was due to leave so he had time to talk to both of us about his feelings before he left. We settled on Saturday morning (after he'd been to the gym obvs, cant let a little thing like your child's welfare come between you and body attack).
Now, all the sites tell you to show a united front in front of your child and that would be fine if your emotions weren't a dangling raw mess. I told my husband he had to lead the conversation and I would be there to support our boy.
We sat him down and he told him that we were splitting up. He burst into tears, I've never seen him cry like that before. My mum instincts took over and I grabbed him up and pulled him into me and just let him cry whilst holding as close as I could. I could feel my heart breaking in my chest. I look over my shoulder and silently mouthed to my husband 'I hate you so much right now'.
Then came the second blow when he asked about the Christmas holiday and we had to tell him we weren't going and the tears flowed once again. I was broken, I didn't know what to do or what to say to make hime feel better but I needn't worry because my husband flew to the rescue by offering to by him a Nintendo Switch. I could have punched him, but that's his solution to everything throw money at it.
As any 6 year old would he instantly brightened up at this promise and they trotted off to go and buy his 'guilt be gone' gift.
I can tell you now kids, this is not the way to handle this. All it did was stop the real conversation that needed to happen. My husband managed to get out everything he wanted to say, like - I'm leaving and you need to get a new house too. But he had no time to give our son the time and space to process and talk about the bomb we had just dropped on him.
I felt like the whole thing was more for my benefit, to yet again give me the message that he was leaving me and that was that. (Apparently he was being so horrible to me so that I didn't get the wrong idea; I told him in no uncertain terms that I wouldn't have him back. Ever).
In the days that followed my mental health to a huge nose dive; I was a weeping mess on the kitchen floor. I felt like I had let my boy down. All I ever wanted was to be a proper family for him but I had failed. I was facing two more weeks of living under the same roof as my husband, and it was like torture. Everytime I saw him I just felt so angry, I desperately wanted to lash out and hurt him but I knew that he didn't care. I hated the person I was around him, I felt so bitter that he was moving on and leaving me to deal with a child that was struggling to process what was happening. My husband was hardly around for the next two weeks whch made me even madder as he only had a short amount to time to spend with his son but his new girlfriend was apparently a more exciting prospect.
I felt suffocated by everything I wanted to run away and even considered going on holiday to get away from it all but I knew that wouldn't be fair on my son as I had no childcare in place. But the urge to run wasn't going away and then my Dad offered for me and my son to go and stay with him the weekend that my husband moved out. I jumped at the chance. I knew it would be good for me to get away and good for my boy not to see his Dad move out of his home.
It was the best decision. I finally felt like I had the space I had been craving. I ate, I drank, I talked and I slept. I was ready for whatever came next.
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